Some Additional Rules for becoming a LEGITIMATE Cave-woman

Posted: August 15, 2011 by deedeestonz in Mancave Fundamentals

After reading It’sThumbalina’s post on how to successfully infiltrate the mancave, I thought I would be remiss if I didn’t add a few additional rules of conduct from the point of view of the SHEmale sports fanatic!

Now that ItsThumbalina has schooled us all on how to be accepted into the mancave and gave us a few pointers on how not to offend and have your access revoked once the cave doors have been open to you. *clap for her*  We must establish a few rules that go beyond gaining points with your boo thang for showing you possess an understanding of the importance of the mancave and will solemnly swear to do your part to uphold and obey the rules of a man’s sports domain.  These additional rules apply directly to women like myself who actually KNOW and LOVE the game of football.  For me being invited into the mancave is goes beyond making sure I bring the good snacks and don’t burn the wings. No, for me access to the man cave is mix of excitement and anxiety as I try to balance my role as misses with my passion for the game.  So for those of us who know that the tight end didn’t get his position for having the best booty on the team (yes I have a friend who actually thought this) here are a few additional rules to abide by while flexing  our sports knowledge that will keep you from is bruising any ego’s and getting yourself exiled from the mancave for the remainder of the season!

Rule #1: Remember this is still the MAN cave

The mancave is a place of freedom for men to let loose, talk crap, make a few revelations and sometimes venture into deep conversation all under the guise of a testosterone filled evening of beer swigging and chest bumping.  They may not know it, but letting women in on this male bonding experience leaves them more vulnerable than Jay Cutler in the pocket!  HOWEVER, as guests in the mancave rule # 1 dictates that we respect these moments of exposure and use this time to grab everyone another round (or take a closer look at Tom Brady’s assets) to basically do ANYTHING but participate! And above all remember that what we see and hear inside the mancave STAYS INSIDE THE MANCAVE!!

Rule #2: Back that thang up!

I know this rule got a collective PAUSE from readers but take a walk with me because I promise I am not promoting gyrating in the mancave!

Debating sports is a true art form and there is no faster way to lose your credibility in a sports debate than to make an argument that you cannot back up! Now this is applicable to both men and women but for us ladies it is especially important because not being able to hold your own in a sports debate will have the guys T Pain’ing you every time you open your mouth.  Yes ONE slip-up, ONE faulty argument and your sports acumen will be put on permanent disregard by the fellas.  So I suggest you only chime in on discussions in which you are well versed and even then make sure you can go toe-to-toe with most informed guy there…you know the one who watches back to back episodes of ESPN even though they are EXACTLY the same and gets OVERLY excited at the 2 second shots of cheerleaders at commercial breaks…yea that guy will rip you to SHREDS and only part of it has to do with sports.  The rest is a mash up between the fact that his last girlfriend indeed cheated on him with a basketball player annnnnd because his horrible bean dip is still sitting on the counter because he had no SHEmale to guide him in proper mancave cuisine…in short HE’S MAAAD!

 Rule #3: Know when to shut up!

Yup I am admitting it…women never know when to just shut up! Like in life! We do not know when to just bite the bullet and shut the heck up!  And this single flaw my dears WILL be the first step in getting you booted from the mancave.  Yes you may possess more sports knowledge in your pinky than half of the men in the room, however you don’t need to let them know this (well at least not all at once).  Pick your battles wisely…if you just slaughtered your man’s best friend in a debate about who has the best O-line in the league and left him sweating and speechless (men can you please tell me why you sweat so much when your ego is being dropped kicked???) than you are done for the day! Take the rest of the day to chill, sip a beer and do things (like making a Doritoes run) that will restore the balance of the mancave.

Rule #4: Be a team player!

This rule only applies to your man…or another male in the cave that you may be liking on.  There will be times when your man will make the faultiest argument regarding sports you’ve ever heard and even though the entire room is giving him a collective side eye, YOU baby girl better have his back!  You better rack your brain for ways to make his shitty argument smell like roses and NEVER, EVER are you to play him by calling him on his BS. Failure to put on your cheerleaders cap will not only put you in mancave moratorium but you will be hard pressed to see the “nook” for the rest of the season because trust me ladies when it comes to stuff like this men can hold a MEAN grudge!

So as you can see successfully infiltrating the mancave is a tricky thing to do and when you are a woman who genuinely enjoys sports the conundrum on how to go about being adopted into the fold goes far beyond supplying good food and not asking “stupid” questions while the game is on.  And while we would LIKE to be thought of as just one of the guys when we enter the mancave we come with “extras” (two to be exact) that will never allow us to fully assimilate into the beer chugging, chest bumping culture that dominates the mancave and that my sister cavewomen is why we must obey the special rules set upon us as perpetual outsiders of this male domain!

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