Update 12:18pm 8/31/11 – Sources say Texas A&M will end conference membership with the Big 12 by July 2012
I had to make some commentary on this developing story. The landscape of the NCAA is as unpredictable as a Nikki Minaj in a wig shop. Teams are starting to jump from conference to conference in power moves for championship positioning, prestige, but mainly, money grabs. The Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, and TCU moves were major but really no big deal in the long-term. But now, mid-tier school Texas A&M in College Station, TX (I’ll wait as you try to find it on the map) wants to jump from the Big 12 to the SEC. For those who want a pop culture comparison, imagine Ashanti trying to go from Nelly to Jay-Z. You are an entity no one cares about (but you were pretty good a couple of years ago), in a relationship on life support, that wants to jump to the cream of the crop. Yeah, its not gonna happen, at least not right now, as the SEC told Texas A&M on August 14.
But I like to dream big. I want a fairy-tale ending for Texas A&M. So if I can imagine Zoe Saldana and Scarlett Johansson chick fighting over me in the Tidal Basin at the MLK Memorial, while I watch eating cheese curls, Texas A&M can dream about Saturday afternoons getting mollywhopped by SEC schools. So I wanted to present to you what I think would happen if Texas A&M and the SEC joined hand in hand, Ashanti did get to have relations with Mr. Carter, and I got kisses on my head from Ms. Saldana and Ms. Johansson.
This strictly based on rumors on the internet *George Bush voice*, logic, and my own crazy, twisted mind, aided by shots of 151.
1. Clemson or Florida State also move to the SEC
If Texas A&M moved to SEC, the next move is to get a team to make it an even 14 teams in the conference. These two would be the logical choices with fierce rivals in the conference already (South Carolina and Florida respectively). Both these schools would be drawn to the lucrative SEC. Florida State would lose its status of the crown jewel of the ACC, but really WHO CARES!!! Who is their competition? Miami is rebuilding its legacy, and Virginia Tech doesn’t have the chops to really be the marquee school to go head to head with FSU. But this may not happen because ACC will give their heart and soul to keep Florida State and let’s face it; its an easier road to the National Championship going through the ACC rather than the SEC. Florida will do what they can to keep FSU out of the SEC. With the ACC bracing for their next raid of the Big East, FSU should be patient, stick around and be the king of the East Coast jungle. As for Clemson, they need to shake things up. Everyone one has been waiting for them to break out in the ACC but it hasn’t happened. They really are a better Texas A&M if you think about it. It would definitely help recruiting to say we play in the best conference in the land and you can play against South Carolina 4 times in your career with some meaning. And I don’t think the ACC would even care if they go to the SEC. Why wouldn’t it happen? For Clemson fans let me put it like this; if you’re a guy and you let your fat, ugly, nasty attitude, ratchet girlfriend walk all over you, do you think you’re world would be better if you dated an Esther Baxter look-alike? Hell yeah she looks good, but I hope you like rubbing her feet and drawing her bubble baths while you have to sleep in the guest room every night. That will be Clemson in the SEC.
2. Big East Blow-Up: WVU to ACC, Pitt to Big 10, and Other Assorted Moves You Don’t Care About
I love the Big East so it saddens me to blow up my own league. But let’s face facts; this is not a BCS conference. Basketball is not enough to save it. Football is the king moneymaker and schools will follow the money. There are rumors of WVU and Pitt going to the ACC already in their big expansion. It would keep the Backyard Brawl and give the ACC the entire east coast for North and South division. That actually is appealing but I prefer to break it up. Let’s get Pitt to the Big 10. It would definitely work. We get to reignite the Penn State/Pitt rivalry that I still haven’t figured out. Hell, why not get a Ohio State/Pitt rivalry going along the I-70 corridor. Big 10 has its own cable network so that means more money for Pitt. And I am sure Pitt can replace their usual titanic matchups with Grambling and Ohio with the continuation of the Backyard Brawl. West Virginia gets a chance to bring in more money and ACC gets the marquee Big East school. I am sure Maryland would love to add the school so their stadium can be filled at least once a year (or not). Since this move would ultimately crush the Big East, look for the other schools to be gobbled up to be fodder in these newly formed super conferences. Look for the Big 12 (if it still exists) to make a hard push to lure TCU away from the Big East to keep their Texas stronghold alive (more on that later).
3. Boise State: The School Nobody Likes
Everyone hates Boise State. They are trying to ruin the corrupt BCS system with every BCS bowl win over perennial contenders (Oklahoma, Oregon, Virginia Tech). How dare they mess with the money! They jumped from the WAC to the MWC to join forces with other BCS busters, TCU and BYU and hopefully create a “Legion of Doom” BCS conference. Unfortunately, the two partners in crime didn’t get the memo and defected. So Boise State is all alone. That’s what happens when you mess with the money. They really don’t have a great market (but they have an awesome turf) so its not adding money. But their winning ways are attractive. If the Big 12 were smart they would try to salvage their conference with an invite to Boise State. The Pac-12 could come calling if the Oklahoma schools (OU, Ok St.) decide to stay pat in the Big 12. All Boise State can do is sit and see how things play out.
4. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T You Know Texas Mean That (Free Boosie)
Who will get the blame for all of the this insanity when history books are written about this period of time? Many people (including me) is looking at Texas. They are the chick that everyone knows is bad, but then she starts feeling herself a little too much and just starts to annoy everybody. Texas is great at like every sport conceived. They probably make up sports to feed their athletic machine. So since everything is bigger in Texas, the administration there said “why don’t we make more money off of this? Let’s go independent.” To start the Independent process, you need your own TV deal, like Notre Dame has with NBC. So Texas went even bigger. They started their own Network! Even worse, they didn’t want to share the money with the Big 12 because they wanted to be independent in the future. This pissed off Texas A&M because they realized that the school which provides them with any fame would pretty much control where the games that they play would be aired. So Texas A&M decided to run away. Nebraska saw what was coming and they bolted to the Big 10 and a great opportunity. Oklahoma and Oklahoma State are being wooed with shots of patron at the bar by the Pac-12. Kansas may look to move to the Big East. Basically everything we know about the NCAA is falling apart. And we all have to blame Texas for it…well not really.
I would love to have Texas fall into a pit of fire in my imaginary world but this is the “Aggiely ever after” for everybody so I decided to be nice. What type of college football and college basketball will we be watching in 2012? 2014? 2015? 2020? There may be only 4 conferences worth watching. You may not see the rivals you grew up watching. Pitt may be playing Minnesota in late November. Missouri could play East Carolina for Homecoming? Oregon could play San Diego State for the Pac-12 title. Can you get excited for that? I could dream for a college football playoffs, but that would make me mentally insane, because that would never happen. Now excuse me, I’m gonna dream of Zoe and Scarlett giving me Eskimo kisses while I feed them strawberries covered with sour cream and brown sugar.