Fantasy Profiling: What kind of fantasy football player are you? Where do you (or your rivals) fit in?

Posted: August 23, 2011 by dduren06 in Fantasy Football, NFL

There are several different kinds of players, allow me to help you recognize what you’re dealing with. I’ll give you some signs and some general tips along the way… without further adieu…

First up: The Novice


Ok so you want to play fantasy football – great. You understand the game and you want to enhance your football season experience by trying your hand (hopefully with no money involved) at fantasy football. Grab a magazine, find some blogs, just promise that you’ll at least stick with it throughout the year. Few things are more frustrating than being in a draft with an autopick person who in turn never changes their roster the whole year (even on bye weeks). Fantasy football can be as involved or uninvolved and fun as you like, but most people would appreciate at least some level of active participation. I’m all for winning, but I’d at least like to know I beat you at your best (whatever that may be).


The Oblivious Jackass


So – you’ve been around the block before & officially “get” fantasy football better at some level higher the Novice. But you have no flippin’ idea who’s worth that mid round pick or who’s really going to help your team. This player may pick someone just because they recognize the name or they were good 4 years and 2 knee surgeries ago…


Case and point: I was in a draft in 2006, had the 6th overall pick in the first round. Who falls in my lap? LaDainian Tomlinson.


(side bar: check out this high-coonery:

This guy, (we’ll refer to him as, uhm, Gavin) said “Oh you know LT is DONE…blah blah blah). That year LT ran for 1,815 yards and 33 total touchdowns (28 rushing, 3 receiving, 2 passing).

Maybe Gavin was just talking crap – who knows, but the next year (2007) Gavin proceeded to draft Tiki Barber in the 4th round… after Barber had retired…

Later that season, I picked up Adrian Peterson from the Bears (

 not to be confused with… 

This guy sent me a trade offer giving me Reggie Wayne & Kurt Warner for Peterson. Of course I accepted it. Need I say any more? Take advantage of these ass-clowns when you find them. Do your due diligence to NOT be that guy…


The Homer


Great, you’re a football fanatic (aren’t we all?!). You’ve got the ropes of fantasy football down to a T and you’re pumped for draft day. The only problem is, you throw all of your eggs in one basket – you’re a homer. Having a team is great, matter of fact, I encourage it (so long as your not a bandwaggoner…) – it makes the season that much more interesting. But don’t take it too far… I’ve been in a draft where one guy selected: Tom Brady, Wes Welker, Randy Moss, Lawrence Maroney, Benjamin Watson and the Patriots Defense – really?! Talk about bye-week hell – let alone being a major injury or two away from a wasted fantasy season (and money if they are dumb enough).


On the other hand, there is a milder version of the Homer, the person who avoids players from a team because the play on their favorite team’s rival. As a Skins fan, if there is a Cowboy player that will help me win (and win money) I’m drafting him. So I’ll draft Tony Romo, and I hope he throws for 400 yards and 4 TD’s against the skins – but also he throws 3 pick 6’s and the cowboys lose by at least one point. If a player is good, draft him. It’s as simple as that. Now if the team sucks (read: the Bengals this year) – avoiding players on that team may not be so hare-brained. But keep in mind that someone on that team is going to have to run and pass and catch the ball. You could find some gems on these sorry squads (see Calvin Johnson 2008 – Lions went 0-16 – Megatron went for 1,331 yards and 12 TDs).


The Shit-Talking Average Joe


Ok maybe you’ve played for a few years, even made the playoffs a few times. You show up for your draft (maybe leaving after the 9th round?) and you always bench players that are on a bye. Bravo. But you talk a bunch of crap (which is all in fun) but your team is average as hell. Few things are more frustrating than to lose to someone who’s kicker goes for 20 points in a game and you lose by 1 point to this clown. This guy might also draft the Steelers and the Ravens defense back to back and hope you are desperate enough to trade for them. Hardcore players, beware…


Regular dude


Generally unremarkable. Like S.T.A.J. but minus the shit talking.


Demi-Guru/Hardcore player


Ok, admittedly I spend too much time on this stuff. But I have made money in the process. Last year I played in 13 leagues and I won 4. Not a perfect record, but 9 of my teams made the playoffs. With the amount of uncertainty and luck involved in fantasy football – I’d say that’s pretty good. But back to the hardcore players, you do your scouting in the preseason, maybe buy a magazine or two. Shit, you may even subscribe to a site like You run a few teams every year and you make the playoffs more often than not. Maybe theMancave can put you over the top…


Other comments…


With fantasy football, you usually get back what you put in. At some point you may realize your team isn’t going anywhere but there’s always next year. Maintain the integrity of the league and don’t cut all of your players. Accept your team’s position and maybe try to knock someone out of the playoffs. All in all, fantasy football makes the entire season more interesting and expands fans from their niche of their favorite team to becoming fans of the entire league. Good luck this season (unless you’re playing me).


Be Easy,



  1. LBC says:

    This post is great lol! I am going to say I am a Novice Homer so in this draft get ready for some definite draft picks that will make you say WTF LOL

  2. arayegee says:

    I havent done too much FF, but I think the Mancave should start one and determine which one we are! Great post!

  3. dduren06 says:

    I have a league set up if you guys want to play – DM me your email if you want to sign up. I’m thinking about doing a draft in the evening the week between the end of preseason and the beginning of the regular season…

    Preciate the feedback fellas… I’ll do some strategy articles and weekly updates if i have the time…

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