What Operating System Are You Running?

Posted: August 23, 2011 by RenzReport in Mancave Fundamentals

Did the hard drive on the Smith household crash?

Dear Tech Support:


Date: 1997-08-09, 8:52PM MST

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon notice that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, SportsCenter 7.5, and ManCave Lounging 3.6. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!


Troubled user….



Dear troubled user:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by it’s Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfried 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOIGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversable
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck!

Tech Support< /O:P

  1. dontbeskerritt says:

    LLLMMMMMBBBBBOOOOOOO!!!! This is great stuff!

  2. SMH says:

    All I can say is…..damn lol

  3. jgray408 says:

    oooooo I’m telling Janelle!

  4. arayegee says:


  5. Little Ol' Me says:

    LMBO!!! Does tech support help with Husband 1.0?

  6. deedeestonz says:

    I LOVE this!!!! HAAAAA!

  7. Queens B says:

    LMBO! This is hilarious! And so fitting coming from you, Renz. Loves it.

    It’s always interesting (and funny) to listen to guys discuss relationship things. They come up w/the most creative & odd analogies to make sense of their interactions w/women. “Franchise tag, franchise player, terms of contract, operating system, etc.” LOL

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