2012 NFL All-Swindle Team

Posted: August 28, 2012 by dontbeskerritt in NFL

Yeah Troy, this List Shocked Me Too

For the Mancave Season preview, I wanted to use a word that is passed around the cavers alot for reasons unbeknownst to myself.  The word swindle is defined by trusted resource urbandictionary.com, as someone who tries to play you over or play games with you.  In the NFL, there are many players who have had high expectations placed on them by reason of draft position, contract, their own big mouths, etcetera.  Only recently they have not fulfilled their end of the bargain according to their respective fanbases.  I going to go through the best of the worst of the guys I’m looking to step up their play in this upcoming season.

Yeah dude, only 2 Points!

QB: Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons – Let’s start it off with a surprise.  Matty Ice entered the league as Atlanta’s savior and led the Falcons to the playoffs in his rookie season.  These are the results in his next three seasons: No playoffs, Blowout loss in divisional round as #1 seed, blowout loss as wildcard scoring only 2 points.  2 points? 2 POINTS ?!?!?!?!  So technically, he really didn’t score anything. 2 POINTS?!?!?!?!                     (Honorable Mention: Kevin Kolb, ARI – Sam Bradford, STL – Whoever is the Jets Starting QB)                                              

RB: Chris Johnson, Tennessee Titans – I lauded CJ2K last season as he held out for a better contract, the NFL player’s only weapon they have against management.  He got his money, making him the richest running back ever at that time.  Well, he came into the season and proceeded to amass the least amount of yards (1,047) and score the least amount of touchdowns (4) in his career up to that point.  Now that’s a swindle!  (Honorable mention: Shonn Green, NYJ – Rashard Mendenhall, PIT – Reggie Bush- MIA an eternal member)

WRs: Dez Bryant, Dallas Cowboys – When you have to do this for a grown man, you have problems.  Oh yeah, he hit his own mom too.

Michael Crabtree, San Francisco 49ers – It’s bad when you hold out into the season as a rookie and expect to make an impact.  It’s worse when your team is awesome in your third year, you still stink, and the team doesn’t even skip a beat.                                                                                                                                                           (Honorable Mention; DeSean Jackson, PHI – Kenny Britt, TEN – The T.Ocho Show)

TE: Jermichael Finley, Green Bay Packers – He was supposed to make the Green Bay Packer offense unstoppable when he got hurt in their Super Bowl run.  But it turns out you can’t stop him from running bad routes or having inconsistent hands.                                                                        (Honorable Mention: Marcedes Lewis, JAX – Owen Daniels, HOU)

Offensive Line: Trent Williams, WAS – Can’t block JPP or DeMarcus but can smoke some good green/Jason Smith, NYJ – Big, High Draft Pick who is always hurt/ Andre Gurode, DAL – Can’t snap/Steve Hutchinson, TEN – Too old and expensive/David DeCastro, PIT – Sorry to put a guyon that got hurt in preseason but the Steelers are back to a steel curtain defense and a swiss cheese offensive line.

Defensive Line: Osi Umeniyora, NYG – Talks alot, always feels disrespected, not that good anymore/Ndamukong Suh, DET – 10 sacks and a TD his rookie year. 4 sacks and a stomp his sophomore year/Tyson Jackson, KC – He was the 3rd overall pick in 2009. Let’s just say he has less sacks than his number of his pick.

LBs: Brian Orakpo, WAS – If holding calls, seen and unseen by refs counted, he would be the next Lawrence Taylor.  Too bad we count sacks/Bart Scott, NYJ – Can’t wait for him to shut up/AJ Hawk, GB – I haven’t heard his name since Ohio State/Jonathan Vilma, NO – Because the Commisioner told me too

Two swindlers playing football at the same damn time

CBs: DeAngelo Hall, Washington Redskins – Just watch this.  And this.  And especially this.

Antonio Cromartie, New York Jets – HBO swindled him during Hard Knocks. He’s swindled the Jets with his play for two seasons.                                                                                                         (Honorable Mention: Stanford Routt, KC – Domonique Rodgers-Cromartie, PHI – Asante Samuel, ATL)

Safeties: Troy Polamalu, Pittsburgh Steelers – I just want to fight Steelers fans.  But this guy would be nothing without Ryan Clark and that system. It’s feast or famine with him.

Antrel Rolle, New York Giants – Gave him a lot of money couple of years ago.  Hasn’t done well in the New Jersey lights. (Honorable Mention: Laron Landry, NYJ – Roman Harper, NO – Whoever plays safety for the Eagles)

Coach: Jeff Fisher, Saint Louis Rams – This is more for his years as a Titans coach. After the Longest Yard Super Bowl in 1999, the Titans won only 2 playoff games.  You would think Fisher was Lombardi son, but no, the Titans went 2-5.  He never really built around his talent, and handled Vince Young poorly.  The Rams suck and they have an overrated coach.  It’s not going to be pretty under the gateway arch.  (Honorable Mention: Marvin Lewis, CIN – Andy Reid, PHI – Norv Turner, SD)

  1. LBC says:

    Lol at this, and this, AND THIS…. lol I agree with this post entirely minus Dez. His moms aint press charges so as far as I am concerned nothing went down

  2. LBC says:

    Andy Reid has to be tied with Jeff at coach.

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